**this post was written on May 2, 2018.
Five months ago I learned about something I had honestly never heard of, hip dysplasia. Long story very short, our baby was born two weeks early via a scheduled c-section, frank breech, which is one of the risk factors of #hipdysplasia in babies (think of the bones as not fully developed into the hip socket, and there are different ranges of severity, one being dislocation). Typically the first treatment solution for babies is being fitted into a pavlik harness, which positions the hips so they are stable and aligned in the joint allowing for proper growth/development. I'm no doctor by any means, but this is a simple explanation to break it down for you.
Fast forward four weeks and we're at Hasbro Children's Hospital in Rhode Island for an ultrasound on both hips. Pause- time to be raw, because that's what real life is, what motherhood is. A few months ago I was that Mom up all night fighting off tears searching for articles, blogs, anything to help me wrap my head around what hip dysplasia is, something to make me feel less clueless or alone. And what I so desperately needed was a success story, or something to confirm for me that my baby would still be a happy baby. What I needed was to see another baby full of smiles, then maybe I wouldn't have been such a hot mess. So I'm sharing my experience in hopes I can help another Mom as she too digs through the internet for reassurance.
Being a new Mom is full of balancing different emotions, now throw this worry into the mix and my anxiety skyrocketed. My heart sank when we saw the look on the doctors face when he explained her first ultrasound results to us. It sank learning that this harness doesn't have a 100% success rate, and plan b and plan c were not fun options. It sank coming to terms with the fact that she had to be in it 24/7 for 12 weeks. It sank with worry every time we had an appointment. It sank thinking ahead on milestones that I at the time thought to myself she would be behind on.
Maybe I was being dramatic, maybe overreacting, but it's heartbreaking to see your baby go through something that doesn't seem ordinary to you, something that you didn't even have the answers to. I felt like the bad guy because this wasn't a boo-boo I could simply kiss to make better, or even better, disappear. I played the guilty mom blame game on myself over and over. You never want to feel helpless as a parent and there definitely were times I didn't have the answer. But, on the flip side, what's "good" about this timing is the fact that she is so young and won't remember any of this!
I won't sugarcoat it, week one was the worst. We didn't sleep. She was miserable. 2:00 am, no ones slept yet, she's crying, I'm crying. My poor husband desperately trying to calm us. I called my Mom numerous times to come save the day for us all. We don't know what we're doing. How are we going to get through 3+ months of this when I can barely get through night two. And heck this was not how I envisioned my first born's first few months. She can't wear half the clothes we have for her. I don't want pictures of her in it on social media. I can't hold her the same way I used to. How am I supposed to nurse, to change diapers. I'm still adjusting to motherhood and now this? Velcro is separating me from my baby. Is this even going to work? Is she going to be behind with rolling, crawling? F I'm so stressed. This is hard. You get the picture, my head did not stop.
But you know what, at this same time I realized that thinking some of these things was actually selfish of me because at the end of the day I have a very healthy baby. I simultaneously wanted to slap myself because we were blessed with a healthy baby; this is just a bump in the road, get yourself together Kristen. There are unfortunately far more unimaginable things in this world that some parents have to face. So I started to focus on the positive and taking things one day at a time. Baby steps, with a side of Cabernet Sauv.
We followed the doctors instructions to a T, legit to a T every single day. I became a master at weaving diapers in and out the straps of her harness, at being creative with how I nursed her, and at changing her outfits since we had to do this with the harness on (this took a lot of patience at first but once we got the hang of it I could do it with my eyes closed if I wanted). We had a support system who learned the ins and outs of hip dysplasia and became masters at the above right along with us. Thank God for them.
24 hours a day x 12 weeks (we could only take her out of it for a sponge bath, and to quickly take her monthly pictures of course) of crossing our fingers through each ultrasound, of sleepless nights, lots of tears, avoiding car rides (as she couldn't be in the car seat for a prolonged period of time), and yes even smiles (there were good days!). Before we knew it the weeks came and went and we hear the words we've been praying for; we can start the weening process. Next up, 6 weeks of weening her out of the harness (hey light at the end of the tunnel, I see you). I was so proud of this girl, so proud. Just 6 more weeks, I can do this too. We again strictly followed this phase right down to the minute; 2 weeks in it for 18 hours/day, 2 weeks in it for 12 hours/day, two weeks in it for 6 hours/day.
Wednesday April 25th, 2018. After 18 weeks we are harness free. I've never wanted to hug someone so badly as I wanted to hug her doctor. Cue happy tears as we made her next followup x-ray, this time 6 joyful months out. I'm so thankful for her specialist but boy am I thrilled I don't have to see him every 3 weeks anymore, hip-hip hooray!
God will never give you more than you can handle. This is so true with anything in life, no matter how big or small the situation is at hand. My Dad reminded me of this the day we brought our 6 week old to be fitted into her harness, and I replayed this statement over and over in my head. Part one is done, her doctor will follow her as she grows over the years, so no it's not over, but I can now go to bed less worried. I can finally snuggle her without anything in between us. Tonight's dreams just got a little sweeter. Bye bye harness, hello healthy hips.
If you're still reading, heck you are awesome. It's therapeutic to finally open up about this. I kept this very private, never showcasing photos of her in her brace because my anxiety sadly took over. If you are another mama frightened at the start of your baby's hip journey I hope you can grasp the fact that everything is going to be alright. That your baby will still be a very happy baby. You'll get through the emotions too Mom, think one day at a time. There are success stories out there and I hope mine can bring you some peace of mind. These teeny tiny humans are stronger than we realize. Also fun fact- did you know you can dress the harness up with some adorable leg warmers, someone even handmade her a few pairs to cover the harness straps, how stinking cute.
What's next? Well, I'm going to kiss her cute feet (because I can now), put her in footie pj's (because I can now), and cheers a wine(s) with my husband because it's a damn good day.
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